


The King and His Sorcerer

by SavannahM



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Get-Away Gone Sad, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-03 05:10:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5277881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SavannahM/pseuds/SavannahM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin has been hiding these feelings for a long time. Will he finally tell Arthur how he feels?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so constructive criticism is welcomed but no flames.

                   “Arthur! Arthur, where are you?” Merlin called through the fog, “Gwen is asking for you, my lord.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                         **_August 10th, 11:00am_**

_He’s gone and run off again, the bloody prat! I can’t keep lying to Gwen all the time about where her betrothed disappeared to, especially when I wish she’d never met him. She may have known him first, the blasted little elf having been Morgana’s lady-servant, but I’m his man-servant. I’ve saved his life thousands of times, not that he knows it because he would cut off my head for using magic, but the point is there. I should marry Arthur, not some silly girl who fumbles her way through the simplest chores. She’s sweet but a bit daft. I’ve seen her looking at Lance recently, as well as him looking back. It’s a betrayal of the worst kind and Arthur’s really only human. He wouldn’t cope well with such betrayal and it’s my duty to make him happy to the best of my ability, using any means necessary._

   

                     Merlin looked up from his journal at the sound of hoofbeats racing towards him. He quickly stuffed the little book back into his coat and stood up. King Arthur came through the fog, panting and out of breath.

                     “Merlin, you bloody dollop-head, what are you doing out here? You’ll catch your death and then you’d be even more useless than usual!” Arthur called from the horse’s back.

                      “Looking for you, my lord. Lady Guinevere sent me after you, said she needed to speak with you about some wedding arrangements, flowers or something like that.”

                       “Those bloody wedding plans are the reason I’m out here! Bloody hell Merlin, I don’t even really want to get married yet. Father’s still warm in his grave and I’ve only just been coronated. I wanted time to settle into my position, figure out how badly Father messed things up. That bleeding magic ban, I’ll have to wait so there aren’t any riots but other things, like same-sex couples and the ridiculous taxes? I don’t know how the kingdom still functions! Merlin, I can’t take all this right now, I just need to get away!” Arthur concluded his long rant to see Merlin staring at him.

                         “T-The magic ban? I didn’t even realize a same-sex ban existed! Bloody hell!” Merlin gawked at Arthur. “You know what, you stay here and I’ll be back in 20 or so minutes.”

                         Merlin ran back towards the castle and went to Arthur’s chambers, quickly packing a bag with all the things he’d need. Stopping at the stables on his way to his room and the kitchens, he ordered a horse to be ready for a long trip before getting a week's worth of food for two, as well as his own necessities for the time away. Lastly, he sent a servant to Lady Guinevere that Arthur was going on a week-long hunt without the knights. With all this done, he went back to the stables and packed the saddlebags for the journey. He then left the stables and, at a gallop, made his way back to his king, who still stood there, looking quite bewildered.

                           “Merlin, what the bloody hell is wrong with you? Why do you have all that stuff and is that my secondary horse?” Arthur questioned.

                            Merlin answered with the ease of experience, “I went to the castle, we’re going away for a week and yes, I suppose this is your horse. And before you ask, yes I sent a messenger to Lady Gwen saying we were going on a week-long hunt without the knights.”

                             Arthur gaped at Merlin as he dismounted and went about putting Arthur’s things in his saddlebags, taking some of the weight off of his own stead.

                             “And when did I give permission for this?”

                             “You said you wanted to get away. This is us getting away,” Merlin replied with a grin, his wavy black hair falling in his face.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        **_August 10th, 11:00pm_**

_We’ve finished riding for the day and Arthur’s just gone to bathe in the stream nearby. We’ve been gone for over ½ a day so far and Arthur seems happier and happier the further we get from the castle and the little elf he calls a betrothed. I’m fulfilling my duty to keep my king happy and that’s all that matters. He’s going to be back soon._

                              Merlin put the journal away just as Arthur walked back towards him through the trees, his blond hair wet and falling into his face.


	2. Chapter 2

**_August 11th, 5:00am_ **

    _Arthur is rather beautiful when he sleeps. I think it’s the only time I’ve ever seen him look truly peaceful and it’s rather saddening to think of. The man is a great prat but I love him, almost in spite of it. He wouldn’t be alive if I wasn’t around. I remember when we first met, I was being sarcastic and thought he was just another annoying knight. He threw me in the stocks for back-talking the prince, as his title was then. I can still smell the rotten tomatoes the townspeople threw at me sometimes. We’re somewhere near the center of the forest, in a little clearing where all I can hear is the songbirds and our breathing. It’s nice out here. I think I could just live here forever, never have to worry about hiding my magic, or whether or not Arthur is going to be killed today. I think I’d really like that, just me, the birds, and maybe a horse. It will never happen though. I wouldn’t be able to stray from my king’s side, even he ordered it of me._

    Merlin closed the journal slowly and sighed, “It’s impossible.”

    “Wha’s imposs’ble?” Arthur’s groggy voice cut through the morning fog, “Wha’s that in your hands?”

    “Hm, oh it's nothing, just a book.” Merlin internally gave himself a pat on the back. A book? Arthur would forget about the whole conversation in five minutes.

    “What’s it about? I might borrow it when you’re done if it’s anything good.”

    “Nothing really interesting, just a book about how to properly clean chain mail.” Woo, that was close, Merlin thought. Arthur doesn’t clean.

    “Oh, good! Gwen’s been on my back lately. She says I over-work you so I should do some of your chores myself. Cleaning chainmail isn’t that difficult, is it Merlin?” Arthur sounded interested, too interested.

    “Sire, if you want to do your own chainmail, feel free. But this is not a good book for a beginner. It’s actually rather incorrect on most accounts. It says to let chainmail air-dry! If you do that, it’ll rust so much you won’t be able to wear it again. This book is absolutely horrible!” Merlin was soon freaking out.

    “Oh, well you’ll have to show me a good one when we get back to the castle.”

    With that, they both got up and set about getting all their supplies together, as well as tacking up the horses.

 

                                                                                                             ************

    They rode for several hours before they stopped for lunch, ravenous from forgetting breakfast that morning. It was almost noon-time when they each settled by the stream with their bread, apple, and cheese. The horses were set to graze near them, close enough to the stream for drink. They took a short nap each, one taking watch while the other slept. Merlin took first watch as his king settled in for the next half hour, warm and comfortable in the presence of his manservant.

    Merlin settled by the nearby tree, having an excellent view of Arthur, the horses, and anyone who might approach, extending his senses with magic. The magic enhanced his sight as well as his sense of smell, allowing him an extra advantage over anyone who dared attack them. As he focused on Arthur, he could see small tremors starting to rack his body. He could smell sadness and hurt seeping from his pores as he moved closer. Merlin laid an extra blanket over Arthur and settled next to him, watching the tension start to seep from his body as he warmed to the presence beside him, seemingly taking comfort in the proximity.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        **_August 11th, 12:30pm_**

    _Is it wrong to take joy in the fact that he settles when I’m near? I feel like I’m somehow taking advantage of him and I’m conflicted. I care for him beyond belief but it wouldn’t be accepted with how his father, Uther, ruled during his time. He made people terrified to be themselves, to show their gifts, to love who they wanted to. Arthur will hopefully change that with the ideas he told me about yesterday. Lower taxes, get rid of the bans on marriage and magic? I’m glad that I’ve fallen in love with such a wonderful man, even if he never knows it. I wouldn’t burden him with that kind of knowledge, especially when he’s getting married to the woman he’s loved for years. He’s waking now, until next time._


	3. Chapter 3

        **_August 12th, 1:00pm_ **

**** _It’s our third day on this ‘hunting trip’ and Arthur has been acting rather strange. He spoke passionately of the laws he wanted to enact and change so, more so than I’ve ever heard him. I never imagined he wouldn’t be against everything I am. I’ve always imagined just hiding myself from him until he gets rid of me or I die, but now I may be able to at least tell him that I have magic, if not the fact that I’m gay as well! Never in my wildest dreams did this happen, but he acts as though the laws are a restriction on himself as well. Maybe it was wishful thinking but when he spoke of the same-sex laws…. Anyway, third day of trip, an odd-acting Arthur, and I’ve been letting Arthur sleep for three hours instead of the two we’re each supposed to have. I don’t think he knows and I’d like it to stay that way. He hasn’t asked about the book, either. He’s going to wake from his nap soon, until next time._

Merlin closed his journal and placed it back in his coat, hiding it in the secret pocket he’d added. Over by the bushes, Arthur stirred, slowly waking to the sound of Merlin’s sighs. Merlin looked over Arthur sadly, imagining everything he would never have. Oh, he’d planned to try with Arthur, open up slowly and ease into telling about his feelings.  But now, it seemed kind of... daunting, impossible even. Being okay with gay and being okay with someone being gay for you are to very different things and Merlin wasn’t willing to push it anymore. Arthur was getting married soon and had a kingdom to worry about. He didn’t need to be troubled by his manservant’s erroneous feelings when there was such important things to deal with. Soon enough, Arthur wouldn’t even need Merlin anymore, he probably wouldn’t even notice he was gone. He would have plenty of other servants to wait on him. Merlin started creating plans to leave after they got back to the castle. Maybe he’d tell Arthur he was going on a trip to see his mother. He’d have to tell Gaius what he was going to do. Kilgharrah, that beautiful dragon,  would give him a lift back to the village and they would never have to see him again. Merlin could live his life in peace, not being constantly reminded of Arthur.

    A cough broke Merlin from his thoughts, “You seem pretty absorbed in your thoughts there, Merlin,” Arthur said, having moved from the bushes when he saw the tears on Merlin’s cheeks, “You’re crying, Merlin. What’s wrong?”

    “What? Oh, sorry. It’s nothing, just trouble back home. I’m going to take a trip to visit Mother when we return to the castle. She’s taken slightly ill and I want to take care of her.”

    “That’s fine. Just remind me when we get back so I don’t forget, alright?” Arthur turned to the horses, packing the saddlebags with their provisions. “We should start riding back. We’re three days out and we have four days to get back. We’ll ride slower so we can see the scenery and maybe stop at a clearing or river in a few hours and rest for the night.”

    “Alright, I’m going to fill the water-skins before we go. I’ll be back in a minute or two,” Merlin said as he grabbed the skins. Arthur hummed in reply, already absorbed in packing.

    Merlin walked slowly to the river they had set camp near for the afternoon. The skins were pretty much full, but he had to get away. He was relieved and saddened that they were going back to the castle so soon. His time with Arthur was becoming ever shorter and it was becoming painful to be near Arthur and the constant lies about who he is and how he feels were starting to tear him apart, the guilt of lying and how scared he was of the possible reactions if Arthur ever knew his secrets. Merlin just wanted to go home and spend time with his mother, get his mind and feelings under control. He wasn’t sure how much more of this he could put himself through. It had seemed like such a good idea at first, go to the forest for a week and run from his problems, pretend the man he loved wasn’t getting married in less than a month. He couldn’t do it anymore, the closeness the forest nights forced them into, seeing how peaceful Arthur was in his sleep. He couldn’t.

    Merlin filled the water-skins the rest of the way and walked back to the camp as slow as he could, prolonging the distance and time they had left. He was slowly unraveling and nothing could stop it.


	4. Chapter 4

             As Merlin walked beside his horse, he thought about all that he would be leaving behind when he left the castle, Arthur and his chastising, Gwen and her patronizing smile and ‘kind’ gestures, Gwaine and his charming smile and overprotective nature, Percival and his strong personality, always a pillar for people to lean on. He’d be leaving Gaius and his fatherly ways, Kilgharrah and his knowledge of other dragons and prophecy. He’d be leaving so much good behind, the best friends he could ever hope to have. He had to do this though. It was the only way for him to get his head together and getting away from Arthur was the best way to do it. Merlin remembered when he first met Arthur, before their official first meeting. It was also when he first met Gwen and Elyan.

**************

             Merlin ducked behind a barrel of grains as he looked over the market surrounding him. There were knights patrolling, making sure there weren't any thieves or snatchers. He stared at one of them, the knight’s blond hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat, but Merlin had never before seen anything so beautiful. The man had the bluest eyes imaginable and filled out his uniform well. He heard some noises coming from behind, turning for the barest second to see the grain seller coming towards him. He turned back around to see the knight just one more time, but he was gone and the seller was honing in on him. Merlin bolted from behind the barrel towards the gates. He was pulled from the side by a dark hand, reaching out and pulling into a small building. Merlin looked around, wondering where he was and just who in the bloody hell had grabbed him?

            “Don’t run, it startles the knights and sellers. They would come after you in a heartbeat,” a soft voice said from behind him. A light flickered into existence, the candle casting a low glow around the room they were in.

            “Who are you?” Merlin questioned, “why would you care?”

            “Oh, sorry, I am Guinevere, Gwen for short, and this is my brother, Elyan. We grabbed you because you don’t look the stealing type and you’d probably like to keep both hands.” The girl, Gwen, answered as he observed the both of them. Gwen was average in height, with light-brown skin and dark brown eyes and hair. Elyan, on the other hand, was dark as night in all aspects and was slightly below average height. They seemed trustworthy enough, with kind, open faces and their hearts on their sleeves. Maybe they would know who his knight was.

            “You wouldn’t happen to know who all the knights are, would you?” When they both nodded, he continued, “what about the knight with blond hair and rather blue eyes?”

           Gwen laughed, “That wasn’t a knight, silly! That was Prince Arthur.”

************

          Merlin sighed as he was brought out of the memory. He had slowed while lost in his thoughts and the horse whinnied at him. He shook his head and resumed his original pace, looking ahead to see that Arthur was at least 20 meters ahead and not slowing in the least. Maybe he could come back for a visit once he got his head on right, but he would give his goodbyes soon. Mother wasn’t truly sick but he had needed the excuse to get away from the castle and it was the first thing he came up with, his tears over Arthur easily explained away. He thought about what he would do when they returned to the castle in two days time. He would say his goodbyes to his friends within the knights and servants, as well as Gaius before packing his things and giving Arthur his notice. He’d have to stop at the kitchens for rations and maybe get a horse but walking would be best, no obligation to come back. It would take longer, but it just meant he could clear his head longer. The fresh air would help rid him of the thoughts running through his head, allowing him to focus on what he would do at home. The village doctor had offered Merlin an apprenticeship before he left for Camelot, maybe it was still available. No one else was interested before, so it was a possibility. If not, he could help his mother with the animals and crops until he found work. This was for the best. He had written his last journal entry last night and was planning on hiding it so he wouldn’t have the reminder of Arthur with him constantly.

**_August 13th, 10:00pm_ **

_Arthur is asleep for the night. I know that this is what I must do. My part in Arthur’s destiny has been fulfilled and he no longer needs me. He has Guinevere and the knights, he has Gaius and his servants. He’ll be just fine. We reach Camelot in two days time and then I’ll be gone. I’m watching him sleep right now and he just seems so peaceful. Gwen will take care of him better than I ever could, give him all the heirs he could want. I just hope she doesn’t hurt him because I don’t think anyone could protect her from the wrath of the townspeople as well as the knights. She will do her duty by him, I can only pray. Good-bye, Arthur. I will miss you more than words may express. I love you, Arthur._


End file.
